What happens when a paleontologist loves a creationist?
Wings of a Dragon (with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman)
N Baby I’m back, here to win yer hand.
Tonight I got a notion to get kissed.
I love my Bible cuz I’m an American man,
So why won’t you have this Paleontologist?
M (Looky here) Yer a easy-ridin cowboy and I love yer horse.
Just quit yer evil job and I’ll commit.
Cuz yer “fossils” and yer “facts” and yer “carbon-datin”,
Well, accordin to the Bible they’re horseshit.
N Now, if you wanna talk rough, can you riddle me this:
How could man and dinosaurs co-habitate?
Why’s there no record, you cute Creationist?
Please convince me, so’s you and I can procreate.
M Darwin was a douche, evolution is a sin.
Here’s all the proof you need to be my Protagon(ist)
There’s a shitload of legends starring dinosaurs and men,
Only thing is, they called ‘em Dragons.
Chorus Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
We should combine the Bible and the Bill of Rights
And stick an American flag in.
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
M Now, if it’s scientific facts that trip yer trigger,
Here’s the holy 411 that truly frees us:
Hit’s yer Bible what’s full of irrefutable data
In the gospel stories written by Jesus.
N Goddamn, little lady, I can see thatcher right
My perfessers done played me for a fool.
It’s so clear, this one science borne of God’s holy light
Is what we should be teachin the kids in school.
N But there’s one thing I cain’t figger, so tell me, sweet,
How did Noah fit them Dragons on his boat?
M Use yer noggin’…fer more than holdin’ up yer hat,
2 dinosaur eggs was all he had to tote.
N Yer beauty and yer faith done sold me hard,
My Creation/Patriotism has begun.
M Yer true-blue conversion puts the red in my cheeks,
And I think you’ll find these colors don’t run.
Chorus Hitch Yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
You were made in God’s Image!
It’s God’s magic, it ain’t braggin!
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon
| cast | |
| Himself | Nick Offerman |
| Bar Patron | Matt Offerman |
| Band Member | Joe Berardi |
| Elvis Kuehn | |
| Greg Kuehn | |
| Doug Livingston | |
| Herself | Megan Mullally |
| Choral Singer | Meryl Hathaway |
| Stefanie Woodburn | |
| Noel Wells | |
| Jessica Williams | |
| Knight & Bar Patron | Marshall Givens |
| Chris Fontakis | |
| Luka Jones | |
| Matt Shore | |
| crew | |
| Director | Stoney Sharp |
| Lyrics | Nick Offerman |
| Director of Photography | Carl Herse |
| Assistant Director | Matt Mazany |
| Director of Post Production | Michael Schaubach |
| President of Original Content | Sam Reich |
| Producer | Creighton Desimone |
| Executive Producer | Spencer Griffin |
| Post Production Producer | Lacy Wittman |
| Editor | Nick Barbieri |
| Production Manager | Sam Sparks |
| Assistant Production Manager | Jeremy Reitz |
| Production Office Coordinator | David Kerns |
| Script Supervisor | Pamela Robison |
| Art Director | Alisha Silverstein |
| Hair and Makeup | Kat Tritto |
| Production Coordinator | Jeremy Reitz |
| Post Production Coordinator | Amanda Madden |
| Visual Effects | Gloo Studios |
| 1st Assistant Camera | Barry Elmore |
| DIT | Devon Hoff-Weekes |
| Playback Operator | Bo Sundberg |
| Gaffer | Brandon Wilson |
| Key Grip | Zach Helmer |
| Stephen Chang | |
| Wardrobe Assistant | Ruby Kennel |
| Laurel Pochucha | |
| Composer | Greg Kuehn |
| Production Accountant | Christine Rodriguez |
| Assistant Production Accountant | Daniel Siegel |
| Erin Marshall | |
| Production Assistant | Carmen Angelica |
| Dolly Grip | Chris Frasier |
| Best Boy | Joe Spain |
| Intern | Karthik Ravishankar |
| Jonathan Edmundson | |
| Lindsay Rappaport | |
| Jason Fassler | |
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