The Hunger Games Unabridged

By

Owen Parsons

          INT. TV COMMERCIAL - DAY

          Clips from the Hunger Games movie play as NARRATOR speaks.

                              NARRATOR
                    You read the novels, you saw the
                    movie, but you haven't truly
                    experienced The Hunger Games until
                    now...

          Copies of HUNGER GAMES: UNABRIDGED are shown on display.

                              NARRATOR
                    ...with the release of The Hunger
                    Games: Unabridged. For the first
                    time, read Suzanne Collins' bold
                    dystopian vision, with over 200 new
                    pages cut from the original
                    release, including every reference
                    to shitting in the woods.

          INT. BOOKSTORE LIVE READING AREA

          SUZANNE COLLINS reads to an audience. Subtitle: "SUZANNE
          COLLINS, Author of The Hunger Games"

                              SUZANNE
                    "How long have I been out here?"
                    Katniss wondered. It felt like only
                    hours since the bloodbath at the
                    Cornucopia, but judging from the
                    sizable dump she was taking behind
                    this old elm tree, it must have
                    been at least half a day. She
                    grabbed another handful of
                    leaves... and thought of Peeta.

          Audience listens intently. Some nod, and murmur "Peeta."

                              NARRATOR
                    Finally, the complete saga unfolds.

          INT. KIDS ROOM

          A MOTHER reads passages from the Hunger Games to her
          daughter.

                              MOTHER
                    Katniss hungrily eyed the Careers'
                    supplies. They stacked them by the
                    lake, all of them prized gifts:
                    Food, drinking water, toilet paper,
                    hand sanitizer, spades for digging
                    small, discreet, eight-to-ten inch
                    holes in the woods... for shitting
                    in...

                              NARRATOR
                    Hunger Games Unabridged is also
                    available in audiobook...

          INT. GYM

          A woman on a treadmill listens to the audiobook.

                              AUDIOBOOK
                    "Don't be scared," Katniss told the
                    little girl from District 11. "I've
                    got food, and fire, and there's
                    enough light so when you shit you
                    can see what you're doing." The
                    little girl nodded. "I crapped
                    earlier in the dark and it got
                    everywhere." "Gross," Katniss
                    responded, "we should be allies."

          INT. KITCHEN

          A man listens to the audiobook while preparing dinner.

                              AUDIOBOOK
                    Katniss could hear Cato's footsteps
                    on the other side of her tree.
                    Panicked, she crouched lower and
                    thought back to her training. Did
                    she have to bury this dump now or
                    was it cool to just cover it in
                    leaves? "Or maybe," she thought,
                    "if I leave it here, Cato will slip
                    in it and die."

                              NARRATOR
                    Delve deeper into the world of
                    Katniss Everdeen and the timeless
                    themes of her story.

          INT. STUDY GROUP

          A group of book club members sit on couches as book club
          leader HOLLY reads from the book.

                              HOLLY
                    Katniss woke in the dead of night
                    to a rumbling in her belly, and a 
                    terrible thought: "What if the
                    Capital sees me shitting, and they
                    take it as an insult?"

                              CLUB MEMBERS
                         (quietly gasping/crying)
                    Trapped... she's trapped / so
                    brave.

                              NARRATOR
                    And catch even more deleted scenes
                    in The Hunger Games: Special
                    Edition DVD.

          FILM SCENE - KATNISS AND PEETA IN THE CAVE

          Katniss wakes up with a start. Peeta is watching over her.

                              PEETA
                    Easy there, Kat.

                              KATNISS
                    How long was I out for?

                              PEETA
                    Almost three days. You shit
                    yourself like five times. I...
                    watched over you.

                              KATNISS
                    Oh Peeta... thank you.

          Romantic music swells. She reaches up to caress Peeta's
          face. Peeta flinches away from her hand.

                              PEETA
                    Whoa, whoa. Don't touch my face.

          FILM SCENE - KATNISS IS ATTACKED BY CATO

          Cato has Katniss cornered against a tree trunk. He holds a
          sword to her throat.

                              CATO
                    End of the line, District 12.

          His stomach gurgles.

                              CATO
                    Ugh, those damn berries. Sorry, can
                    we take a bathroom break? Just a
                    quick bathroom truce? Is that cool?

                              KATNISS
                    Sure.

                              CATO
                    Gah, thank you. I just need like,
                    five minutes. Oh god.

          He runs off behind some bushes. We hear him dropping trou
          and sighing with relief. Katniss takes an arrow out of her
          quiver and fires it after him.

                              CATO
                    AGH, NO FAIR! QUIT IT!

          INT. TV COMMERCIAL - DAY

          More copies of HUNGER GAMES: UNABRIDGED appear, alongside
          the audiobook and the Special Edition DVD.

                              NARRATOR
                    Catch The Hunger Games: Unabridged,
                    coming this summer from Scholastic
                    books. And don't forget the new
                    Hunger Games: Unabridged: The
                    Graphic Novel.

          INT. KIDS ROOM

          A group of kids gather around a Hunger Games Unabridged
          graphic novel. They read intently. They turn a page, then
          all scream in disgust and throw the comic book down.

                                                             END.