Batman Blows His Cover

By

Front Page Films

          EXT. GOTHAM ROOFTOP - NIGHT

          Batman has just saved NARROWS BOY.  Rachel is comforting
          him.

                              NARROWS BOY
                         (to RACHEL)
                    I told you he'd come.

          Batman gives a look, and steps onto a ledge.

                              RACHEL
                         (to Batman)
                    Wait.  You could die.  At least
                    tell me your name.

                              BATMAN
                    It's not who I am underneath but
                    what I do that defines me.

                              RACHEL
                    ...Bruce?

          Batman turns to jump from the ledge.  Then...

                              BATMAN
                    No.

                              RACHEL
                    Oh my God, you totally are.  Bruce.

                              BATMAN
                    No... not Bruce.

                              RACHEL
                    That "what I do that defines me"
                    thing?  I said that to him 3 days
                    ago and I haven't said it to anyone
                    else.  So you are Bruce.

                              BATMAN
                    I am not Bruce Wayne.

                              RACHEL
                    See, I didn't even say Wayne.  I
                    just said Bruce.

                              BATMAN
                    Maybe he told me about it.

                              RACHEL
                    Oh, you guys hang out.

                              BATMAN
                    Yeah.  Bruce Wayne is... the
                    coolest.  Maybe you two should go
                    out?

          COMMISSIONER GORDON enters in his SWAT gear.

                              GORDON
                    Ms. Dawes!  Thank God you're safe.

                              RACHEL
                    Commissioner.  You're not going to
                    believe this.

                              COMMISSIONER GORDON
                    Bruce Wayne is Batman?

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    What?  That's just baloney.

                              RACHEL
                    You knew?!

                              COMMISSIONER GORDON
                    Oh, it's super obvious.  Dead
                    parents, disappeared for years,
                    comes back in incredible shape, has
                    the time, money...

                              RACHEL
                    Oh yeah... (to Batman) just admit
                    it, you're Bruce Wayne.

                              BATMAN
                    Rachel, Gordon, if you knew my
                    secret identity...

                              GORDON
                    As Bruce Wayne.

                              BATMAN
                    ...my secret... my secret
                    identity...

                              RACHEL
                    Bruce.

                              BATMAN
                    ...secret...

                              GORDON
                    Bruce Wayne.

                              BATMAN
                         (frustrated, quick)
                    It would put you in danger, okay?

                              RACHEL
                    Well then you should stop dropping
                    really obvious hints before, you
                    know, you jump off buildings.

                              BATMAN
                    Wait!  Who's that behind you? 
                    Bruce?  What are you doing here?

          Rachel and Gordon, reluctantly playing along, turn around to
          "look."  Batman jumps down and is gone for a moment.

          Enter BRUCE WAYNE, in a suit that looks hastily put on,
          still wearing Batman's black EYE MAKEUP.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    Rachel, Commissioner, what's going
                    on?  I was just skiing with some
                    models and just being like a
                    reckless playboy party type guy...

                              RACHEL
                    You still have your eye makeup on.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    What?  No.  These are... black eyes
                    I got from... fighting crime.  No,
                    wait.  I just wanted to let you
                    know that I'm not Batman.

                              GORDON
                    The city is being sprayed with fear
                    gas and you want to just let us
                    know that you're not Batman.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    It's true, right Bats?

          Bruce waits for them to look the other way then ducks off.

                              BATMAN
                         (Bruce's voice)
                    That's right, Bruce.

                              RACHEL
                    Wrong Voice.

          QUICK CUTS TO:

          Batman enters, suit, but wearing the mask.

                              BATMAN
                    I don't know hat I have to do to
                    prove that I'm not...

                              GORDON
                    Wearing the suit.

                              BATMAN (O.S.)
                         (Batman voice)
                    My real secret identity is...

                              RACHEL
                    Really?

          REVEAL that Bruce Wayne is squatting where Batman was, no
          Batman costume whatsoever, rubbing his eye makeup off.  It's
          just a smeared mess now.

                              BATMAN
                    ...a nimble shopkeeper named Troy
                    Frandag.

                              RACHEL
                    Bruce.

                              BATMAN
                    Troy.

          CUT TO:

          Bruce talking to Rachel as Bruce.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    And I can see where you might think
                    we're the same guy but... I'm
                    wearing the cape, aren't I?

                              RACHEL
                    Mm-hmm.

                              GORDON
                    Yeah.

          CUT TO:

          Bruce holds up the Batman costume, he has his hand up the
          mask like a puppet.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    Look, here we are together. 
                    (moving hand, Batman voice) See
                    Rachel?  Two different people.  I
                    am not Bruce Wayne.

          As "batman" is talking, Bruce takes a sip of water, a la a
          ventriloquist.  He can't do it though, and chokes water up
          everywhere.

          CUT TO:

          Bruce standing with Rachel in the Bruce/Rachel spot.  Rachel
          and Gordon aren't even paying attention to Batman anymore.

                              RACHEL
                    And that one time we were kids I
                    saw him get thrashed by bats.

                              COMMISSIONER GORDON
                    See, I didn't even know that, I was
                    just driving his Bat car tank
                    thing, the registration is in
                    Bruce's name.  Right there in the
                    glove box.

                              NARROWS BOY
                    Batman gave me a periscope the
                    other night and it said Wayne
                    Enterprises on it...

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                         (to boy)
                    Maybe you're batman.

                              NARROWS BOY
                    No, at this point, I don't think I
                    would want to be...

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    You know, we could go on and on
                    about who the only person in Gotham
                    that has the time, money and
                    means to be the vigilante Batman
                    who was also, as you pointed out
                    Rachel, thrashed by bats as a youth
                    in the home he still lives in which
                    rests above a cave filled with
                    bats, but I think it's time we put
                    these silly theories to bed and
                    consider that the Batman probably
                    is a giant half bat half man who
                    doesn't even have a secret
                    identity.

          Bruce Wayne puts his arm on Rachel's shoulder, REVEAL he's
          wearing one of Batman's gloves.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    Yeah.  Batman... gave me these
                    gloves.

                              COMMISSIONER GORDON
                    Oh.  Cuz you and Batman hang out.

                              BRUCE WAYNE
                    Oh yeah, he's the coolest.  He told
                    me you'd want to go out with me?

          END.