Modern Warfare Soldier Comes Home

By

Adam Conover & Kevin Corrigan

          MODERN WARFARE PLAYER SURPRISES HIS FAMILY

          INT. KITCHEN

          A mom, MARGARET, cooks dinner, while a daughter, TAYLOR,
          sits doing her homework at a kitchen table. Margaret's son,
          an unseen teenager named BRAD, holds the camera.

          NOTE: All footage is shot by Brad. When necessary, there can
          be a jump cut between scenelets.

                              BRAD (O.C.)
                    Hey mom. Whattre ya doin'?

                              MARGARET
                    Cooking dinner.

                              TAYLOR
                    I miss daddy.

                              MARGARET
                    We all do.

          We hear the sounds of movement and a doorknob rattling.

                              TAYLOR
                    Mommy, what's that?

          The camera whips over to a door nearby opens. The camera
          finds BRIAN, an out of shape, slightly moist dude with a
          pale complexion, possibly silhouetted. He's wearing a
          headset, holding a controller, and wearing what looks like
          fatigued-patterned sweat pajamas.

          The camera pans back to Taylor, whose mouth opens in a big
          scream-cry.

                              TAYLOR
                    DADDY!

          Margaret drops a dish.

                              MARGARET
                    Oh my god. Oh my god!

                              BRAD
                    Whoa! It's Dad!

          Taylor gives Brian a huge running hug. A DOG runs up and
          lick-tackles both of them like one of those dogs in the
          soldier homecoming videos.

                              BRIAN
                    Surprise!

                              MARGARET
                    You're not due back until January!

          Through the door behind him, we can see a decked-out GAMER
          CAVE with Modern Warfare 3 on a huge flatscreen TV.

                              BRIAN
                    Yeah, well, the Internet went out.
                    So I'm back.

                              TAYLOR
                    Daddy, you need a shower.

                              BRIAN
                    Ha ha! Yeah, well, I've been over
                    there a long time pumpkin.

                              MARGARET
                    Over ... there?

          Brian points at the den.

                              BRIAN
                    Yeah. Over there. On the couch.

          Margaret smiles.

                              MARGARET
                    Well... come on, dinner's almost
                    ready. Sit down!

          Brian and TAYLOR sit down.

                              BRIAN
                    Yeah, I could really use a home
                    cooked meal. I've been living on
                    rations for too long.

          He points to the room. Brad pans and zooms over to a trash
          pile of empty Big Mac boxes and 2-liter bottles of the soda
          inside the gamer cave.

                              BRAD
                    Whoa.

          He pans back over to the table where everyone is now eating.

                              TAYLOR
                    What was it like over there?

                              BRIAN
                    It was awful, sweetie. I saw
                    terrible things. I lost a lot of
                    buddies over there.

                              BRAD
                    Whoa, one of your friends died?

                              BRIAN
                    Yeah, all of them, like fifty times
                    each. But then last week my buddy
                    Todd had his Live account banned.
                    He called his CO a fag. It was a
                    tragedy, he had this insane kill
                    streak going, he almost got the
                    nuke.

                              MARGARET
                    Your father's a hero, honey.

          Brian flips out.

                              BRIAN
                         (quiet and intense)
                    DON'T SAY THAT. There's nothing
                    glamorous about modern warfare. I
                    did a lot of things I wasn't proud
                    of over there. Once I got a
                    headshot on this n00b, and I dipped
                    my balls right in his face.
                         (quietly)
                    I teabagged him. He was just a boy.
                    Just about your age.
                         (almost a whisper)
                    Said he was from Cleveland.

                              MARGARET
                         (glancing at the camera)
                    Honey, calm down.

                              BRIAN
                    I can't! Look at me! I had the
                    highest KD in the whole clan! The
                    sergeant pinned an achievement on
                    my chest...

          He slaps his chest. The camera zooms in on a medal in the
          shape of an XBox achievement pinned to it.

                              BRIAN
                    But what the fuck do I got to show
                    for it?
                         (banging the table with his
                         fist)
                    Where's my parade?

          There's some commotion from the hallway. Brad whips the
          camera to find another messy gamer, KEVIN, entering from the
          hallway.

                              KEVIN
                    Hey, Margie, I got some more Hot
                    Pock --

          He stops as he sees Brian. The camera pans back to Brian.

                              BRIAN
                    What's he doing here?

          Margaret starts sobbing.

                              MARGARET
                    I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I just
                    thought ... I thought you were
                    never coming back.

          Brian cuts her off. He puts his hand on her shoulder. During
          this, Brad gets distracted and takes the camera to peek
          inside the gamer cave, so we hear the following from
          off-camera.

                              BRIAN
                    Margaret. It's alright. I didn't
                    think I was coming back either.
                    That game's really good.

          Brad pans back over.

                              TAYLOR
                    Hey Dad ... does this mean I can
                    play now?

                              BRIAN
                    Sorry buddy. I gotta go back.

                              MARGARET
                    You're... going back? But I thought
                    you said that you were done! That
                    we were going to be a family again!

                              BRIAN
                    Sorry honey. My clan needs me.

          He goes to the door and stands in it.

                              BRIAN
                    We have a hardcore death match at
                    0600.

          He jumps over the back of the couch like it's a Humvee and
          picks up the controller. The game starts up again. The
          camera pans over to find Margaret crying. Brad pans back to
          Brian in time to see him say:

                              BRIAN
                    Oh COME ON, a rocket launcher? How
                    fucking cheap are you?